Remember this from a few days ago?  Well, now Sam and Mary’s brother Steve has decided to weigh in with his opinion… BBC NEWS | World | Middle East | Rockets hit Israel from Lebanon.

Does anyone honestly believe this is anything other than “Ooh, here’s an excuse to blow shit up!”

Does this scene seem familiar to anyone?

“Ow – she hit me!”
“Yeah, well he hit me first!”
“Only because she bit me before that!”
“Well he shouldn’t have taken my ‘My Little Pony’ – I told him I’d bite if he didn’t give it back”
“But she took my Action Man and made him ride around on her gay pink pony”

“ENOUGH – BOTH OF YOU!  I don’t care who did what to who – you’re both behaving like 3 year olds.  Grow up, the pair of you.  Sam, give Mary back her pony – and the head – and Mary, you give Sam back his toy soldier – wipe the lipstick off it first.  Right, you’re both grounded until you kiss and make up.”

Let’s face it, the root of most conflicts between small children are often so far lost in the mists of yesterday, that no-one can ever figure out who’s to blame, and the only solution is to apply parental authority and reset things to a ground state.  Fortunately, in this case, reparations could easily be made (or at least, once the super glue was found), and peace can resume almost immediately.

The current Middle-Eastern crisis is another fight of a similar sort.  I’ve had this explained to me twice in the last week, and though this may be a classic example of the Grey Fallacy (or better yet, here), I’ve come to the conclusion that the truth is so clouded in propaganda, perceptions and outright lies that it will never be found.  What we really need is for some benevolent, all-mighty force to sit both sides down on the naughty step and sort things out in a fair and equitable manner.

In this case though, we can’t give Sam back his soldier and Mary her pony – this is more like the fight between Sam and Mary that happens 13 years later, when Sam comes back from his first year at Uni to find Mary now has his old bedroom.  Or maybe more like The One Where No One’s Ready – Joey takes Chandler’s seat, so he retaliates by sitting on Joey’s lap, so Joey steals the cushions, then Chandler steals Joey’s underwear, then Joey wears all of Chandler’s clothes.

Unfortunately, there’s no-one who can take the roll of a stern parent and take control of this situation.  The UN is too fragmented, and as a result, weak.  The US – though powerful enough – is too mistrusted.  Russia… well, let’s just say maybe not.

Maybe we need the Australians to declare themselves a superpower.  I can just hear them shouting across the ocean now (like an angry neighbour)…  “If you guys don’t shut up and sort it out right now, I’m going to nuke the blazes out of the lot of you.  I’m trying to enjoy the rugby here!”

The only final solution, of course, is to bring out more Hydrogen Fuel Cell cars.  When no-one needs oil any more, the Middle East will become just another patch of dessert; lacking international attention, the governments on all sides will have to sort it out themselves.  Or, of course, Marmite.